This story originally appeared in The Mighty, see the original post here.
I am a single mum to three children, two of whom have a diagnosis of autism. Juggling the needs of my children takes time, patience and a well-structured tick list.
For my children, routine is not only fundamental — it is a necessity. The systems in place at my house are steps and guides on how to do tasks to make day-to-day functionalities less anxiety-provoking and promote a growing independence for everyone in the house.
The idea of these lists goes beyond simple routines. They are the safety net that make things work. They are the go-to when all else fails, and most importantly, they can be followed step by step, over and over — something I think we all appreciate.
Looking back, we have had a lot of formulated lists in place that have grown in complexity as my children have grown:
- How to put clothes on, a step-by-step guide with clothing items pictured along with their order
- How to tidy a room, which involves looking at the floor as well as the room at eye level
- How to run a bath
It is amazing reflecting on the amount that has been explored in my home through “tick-lists” and reward charts. As my children grow, our systems are also becoming more sophisticated. The newest is “how to meltdown safely,” an idea taken from a recent Mighty post. We are in the process of trying to manage these difficult emotions in a way that reduces the stress quickly for the person experiencing the emotion.
Whether a life skill has to be learned or comes naturally, it is a necessary element of preparing children for independence and later adulthood. Applying “tick lists” to life tasks and emotion regulation works for us and gives us a structure to experiences that, without such structure, can be highly anxiety-provoking.
If anyone in our house finds structuring a task difficult, a simple “tick list” seems to be the simplest yet most effective answer. Now please excuse me as I must go write a “to-do list” for the day, complete with tick boxes.